When Is the Best Time to Move Your Children?

Companies are relocating more employees today than at any time in history. In fact, in many of the nation's firms, new employees begin their careers with the understanding -- either overt or implied -- that they could at some point in the future be asked to relocate. And in today's competitive corporate environment, as top companies vie for prospective applicants with the high-tech skills they demand, corporations have determined that dangling certain benefits are necessary in order to sweeten the pot, so to speak. Companies have moved beyond merely paying the moving expenses of new hires and current employees relocating to another branch office. Recognizing the national movement to strike a balance between work and family, employers are helping the spouses of transferring employees find jobs, helping their children locate quality education, and offering other benefits to help ease the transition and keep employees' job satisfaction at a high level.

While helping children find good schools is an important part of the relocation process, the last-minute nature of many transfers makes it difficult to analyze the emotional needs of children in the event of a transfer. Stress begins as soon as the transfer is accepted. In most cases, the transferring employee sets up camp in the family's new hometown for a specified period, and the rest of the family moves later, usually because parents want their children to complete the current school year rather than uprooting them mid-year. This obviously creates stress on the spouse left behind and on children, particularly if they're young.

Some relocation specialists are beginning to doubt the importance of waiting until summertime to embark on a move, however. First of all, summer vacation has become shorter in recent years. Within many school districts, you'll find a push toward year-round education -- in other words, a move away from the nine-month academic year followed by a three-month summer break. Educators are arguing the merits of shorter, more frequent breaks throughout the year instead of a lengthy summer break. This shortens the window of available break time in which families may move.

In addition, when families relocate during the summertime, they often find upon their arrival that other families in their new neighborhoods are traveling. That reduces opportunities for children to meet new friends in their new neighborhoods. Subsequently, they have time on their hands and are likely to become bored and/or apprehensive about the move.

Families who relocate during the summer and plan to immediately enroll their children in summer activities and/or summer camp upon arrival are often disappointed to find that these activities are already filled. Registration for these activities often takes place in the spring. The same goes for many sports teams and academic and music organizations offered by schools. Students often "try out" before the school year ends in order to be considered for membership in the fall.

It's often a good idea to plunge your children into activity upon arrival in your new hometown -- in other words, don't give them the opportunity to become lonely. Moving your children mid-school year means they're immediately introduced to other children their own age and presented with numerous opportunities for academic organization membership, sports teams and overall familiarization with their new hometowns. Being the "new kid on the block" is more likely to be a novelty -- a positive point of difference that attracts other children to your own child -- in the classroom, as opposed to an empty neighborhood in the summertime. And of course, as children mature and become high-schoolers, they're more likely to introduce themselves to the new student in the class, to offer to take them to lunch, introduce them to their circle of friends, etc.

Many child psychologists say that children between the ages of about 5 and 10 are the least affected by a move. Children of this age range don't look outside their families for validation and support as much as teens, so a transplant into a new environment isn't removing their primary source of reassurance. Parents of children between 5 and 10 should, in the event of a move, concentrate on doing more of the same -- offering emotional support, talking with their children about any concerns they have, and spending a little extra time with them, despite all of the pressures of the impending move. If you are moving during the summer months, find out if your child's new school offers an orientation. One of the best ways to dispel apprehension is to instill familiarity -- with the building layout, classrooms, your child's new teacher, etc. If it's possible, seek out an individual (such as a guidance counselor) who's willing to take your child under his or her wing for a couple of weeks and help your child locate the extracurricular activities that capitalize on personal strengths and facilitate friendships.

Teens are trickier. This is the age, of course, when children are attempting to separate themselves from their parents and establish self-identity. Their friends are a significant source of emotional support for them. So uprooting them is more traumatic. On the other hand, teens who successfully handle the stresses of a move are likely to experience a boost in their self-esteem and sense of competency as a result. Considering the challenges ahead -- college and adulthood -- this is good real-life experience. In fact, teens who have met the challenges of a relocation are often more successful in their attempt to handle the emotional stresses of moving to college for the first time.

Nevertheless, your teen is likely to be feeling apprehensive about your relocation. A parent's best strategy, according to child psychologists, is often just to listen. Ask your teen what he or she feels. If you can, tell your teen about a similar time in your life. Did your own family go through a move when you were young? How did you feel? What kinds of coping strategies did you use? And to validate your child's fears, this is an excellent time to set up an e-mail account for your child so that he or she may continue to communicate with friends in your former hometown (and even chat with a group of friends in real time) at minimal cost. Try to bring out the positive aspects of the move (an adventure, a chance to meet new and interesting people, see a new part of the country and expand horizons), and strongly encourage (but don't pressure) your child to get involved in extracurricular activities in your new hometown.